NO LONGER SNORING OVER HOUSE OF GIVENCHY

No longer will I fall asleep when walking into House of Givenchy. Creative savior, Ricardo Tisci, somehow awoke the senses of Givenchy and completely revamped the former tired House of Uncool! Ricardo Tisci is darkly romantic and brings unabashed imagination to Givenchy to fuse detail and craftsmanship, reviving a fashion house that was plummeting fast. His fresh energy has put the label back on the map, especially with a Spring/Summer 2010 collection featuring black leather caps, metal star studded belts, casual backpacks accented with studded leather straps and street-ready basic accessories that are pieced with Givenchy's luxury and attention to detail. This mixture of street and haute couture have created a diverse look that is fresh and innovative and just what our current economic climate is favoring (something a bit more affordable). This collection is now available at select retailers such as Japan's 3rd Culture.

SEX, DRUGS AND ROCK AND ROLL: PARDON MY FRENCH AND VELA

Where: Vela - the gayest place on planet Earth or at least in Copenhagen!
When: Saturday, January 30th at 10:00pm
What: 5 hot, hot, hot models that are willing to strip, gyrate and masturbate their way across the stage (just kidding on that last one)!
Why: Because you should really be there or ELSE and you might just get a lap dance or a free t-shirt or both!

FAGGET FAIRYS ARE ILL

Yo, I can't even believe I'm letting you in on this ill Danish lesbian group, Fagget Fairys! NO ONE knows about them in the States but in Denmark, everyone and their mother (gay mother, that is) has heard about the infamous duo, led by MC Ena and DJ Sensimilla. They met on a dance floor over a year ago, started dating, moved in together and are now engaged. Furthermore, they are super sexy and really fucking know how to rock it! Check, check, check it out cuz they are super fly and spit some mad lyrics! Ooh la to the fucking la!

PMF'S TOP 5 BAD ASSES

Known as the "best" actor that has ever lived, Swedish actress Greta Garbo never married, never had children and always lived alone. She was also one of the very few that moved from silent film into a talking role. She was thought of as a recluse but many speculated that she was bisexual (so hot)! She nearly married a co-star on a very racy film (Flesh and the Devil, 1926) starring John Gilbert but failed to show up at the alter on the day of their marriage. SHE WAS SO COOL!

Patty Hearst had everything...the daughter of William Randolph Hearst, her life was nothing more than an easy ride...that is, until she was kidnapped by some crazy guerilla group that requested a check from her father in the amount of 400 million dollars to feed the homeless on the streets of San Fran. WRH produced 6 million, a sum that Patty admonished and was enough to make her join the guerilla group's efforts. She was like "fuck it" and decided to help them rob a bank! That is super funny! Good one Patty!

From snorting crack to TopShop to Longchamp bags...Kate Moss is everywhere. She is dope, likes dope and looks dope. Shout out to bloody noses and really really nice tits!

Vivienne Westwood rocks it! Starting out making costumes for the Sex Pistols, she has now built an empire out of her crazy fashion sense. From Sex and the City wedding gowns to her political involvement with Liberty, a British Civil Rights Group, in which she made a crazy tee that states "I AM NOT A TERRORIST," VW has many faces. She is multi-dimensional, which is really cool, never specializing in one area but branching out into many and encompassing many different tastes and likes. She does all sorts of cool shit and she really knows how to make dope screen printed t-shirts...like the one I saw in Beacon's Closet that I'm kicking myself for not purchasing!!! BTW, her son is behind the infamous Agent Provocateur.

Joan Jett...need I say more?!

JEAN PAUL GAULTIER FOR TARGET

So, I found some really cool Jean Paul Gaultier For Target pics from the Spring 2010 Look Book and thought I would give a shout out to the beloved man behind Madonna's Blonde Ambition Tour and the infamous cone bra! The collection for Target does not release until March 7th but maybe it's best to plan ahead! If it is anything like Comme des Garçons for H&M last year, bitches will be armed and dangerous! It was like playing football, or better yet, smear the queer, trying to get those beloved drop crotch Comme des Garçons leggings last year. I drop kicked a beotch to get those joints! I think I'll just send a friend this time around so I don't have to deal with crazy NYC Target customers myself! Check out the tattoo leggings (makes me think of dope designer, Peggy Noland), the fresh motorcycle jacket and the cool striped sailor shirt.

IN AND OUT: SLUTTY KIDS, TRAMP STAMPS AND LADY GAG ME WITH A KNIFE

Lets just face it! I'm a judgmental cunt rag hater. I fucking loathe Lady Gaga, I hate Ed Hardy, I vomit when I see colored ink tattoos and I absolutely despise sequins. Although some of this shit isn't on my IN AND OUT list, I hope you enjoy being a hater as much as I do...hater, don't even know her! That's an old joke that no one reading this will understand except my friends, but anyway...here it goes!

Numero Uno Hatred: Lady Gaga Faggish Raggish Bone!!!

What is she/he? Who wears that? Even though she might be a bit cooler in my book now b/c of the meaning behind her song "Poker Face," I still wanna karate chop her in a dark alleyway! I'll let you figure out what she means in "Poker Face" but I'll give you a tiny hint...girl in bed with boy, girl thinks about other girl, girl fakes her shit! Coolness...

Number Two Hatred: Slutty Children

Maybe it's because I live in Denmark that I hate this. It seems that children are allowed to do whatever the fuck they want at any age. Have sex when you are ten, date a man twice your senior at 15, get drunk at the club when you're 12. Don't get me started on the H&M campaign in Copenhagen of this little child (not pictured) that the photographer made look like Elizabeth Taylor...eww! But this pic takes the cake. WTF was her mother smoking...CRACK IS WHACK KIDS! Keith Haring told us so...we should have listened!

Nummer Tre (Danish) Hatred: Tattoos that are in a language that you, yourself can't speak!

Victoria Beckham can barely speak English, let alone Islamic or whatever the fuck that language is on the back of her neck. Neck tattoos = coolness; tattoos in languages you, yourself cannot speak = a fraudulent attempt to act seemingly cool! Loser, don't even know her!

Nummer Fire Hatred: Peacock feathers in hair!

This little pic involves two things I hate so I guess you could say I killed two birds with one stone (Paula Abdul, although really funny cuz she's ALWAYS wasted, is a sell out and the hair piece she possesses makes me puke)! I was recently in NYC and all the dumb little Williamsburg housewife bitches had these stupid peacock contraptions on their ugly heads! I heard rumors that they all go to Bloomingdales and spend something absurd, like 200 American on these pieces of dog shit! I could fucking make my own by plucking a pigeon feather in Washington Square Park and glueing it on a hair band. For fuck sakes...get a life! I am really being mean and obnoxious at the moment! I'm actually really nice:-)

Numero Uno Love: Baggy jeans but only on girls!!

I love girls! I especially love girls that have sick fashion sense. It really doesn't take much. I think you can rock any outfit if you are confident, don't give a fuck and can mix and match with elegance and grace. I've always felt that you don't have to spend a lot of money on clothes (although I do) as long as you are true to yourself and really rep who you are! Baggy jeans are SO FUCKING SEXY, especially if paired with heels. I actually hate the shoes in this pic but I love the jeans! Patent leather is a no no!!!

Number Two Love: Any arm tattoos on girls, especially "naked pin ups on wrenches!"

So I was at this party in NYC over the summer and in walks Jenny Shimizu. I nearly lost my shit yet no one else even seemed to recognize her. What is wrong with NYC lesbians??? I'll tell you...everyone is so mad young at the club now that they have no clue about icons such as MIss Shimizu. I've been obsessed with her tattoo on her right arm for as long as I can remember and this pic gives you an up close and personal look at her ink and tits...ooh la to the fucking la!

Nummer Tre Love: Girls with ties!

I hate that I'm doing this b/c I just dissed VB, but she looks super hot in this suit. Actually, she always rocks a suit really well and I love her tie with no shirt on...so cool!

YOU'RE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE

Celebrity bands usually completely blow, but Juliette and the Licks is a mega exception. I saw them perform live for the first time in NYC at the Beacon in 2005, when they just released their first album, "You're Speaking My Language." I hadn't even heard a single song by J&L at that point yet was totally mesmerized by Juliette Lewis's performance. Her energy on stage was off the hook and her voice was totally Courtney Love(ish). Not only that, but she crowd surfed, wore a body suit, had a banging body, looked totally cracked out, has mad style vibes kickin' and was really dope! You can hear traces of PJ Harvey, 80's new wave and Iggy Pop (whom I LOVE LOVE LOVE) in her music. "You're Speaking My Language" is definitely my favorite album that J&L have made thus far and I found a cool little video of my fav J&L song! Rock out with your cock out...

PENIS ENVY: THIRD FLOOR NEW YORK

I simply love an androgynous silhouette. The beauty of the unknown is not only tempting, but extremely sexy. Cedric Haughton and Anthony Hendrickson, the two brilliant designers behind this dope brand, met at FIT and started Third Floor as a side project in 2007. Any designers inspired by films such as "Lost Boys" and "Elephant" are wicked cool and these two films were the inspiration behind the Spring 2010 collection. Third Floor's uncanny ability to "not give a fuck" is an approach that is really catching on, especially with many up-and-coming designers creating unisex pieces. The opinion of others doesn't seem to be at the forefront of Third Floor's design scheme and this is exactly why they get a shout out from Pardon My French. Not only that, but Anthony Hendrickson was the model for the shoot. PMF loves his look! Check out Third Floor New York at http://www.thirdfloornewyork.com/.

I HEART HERB RITTS

I should have been a gay man. I'm serious. I love everything "gay man" style. Lets face it, gay men are better dancers, better dressers, better drama queens and more catty than any lesbian I know. On top of that, they don't try to sleep with you after they buy you one drink at the club, nor do they want to move in with you after one date. GAY MEN ARE SO DOPE AND I HEART THEM.

The one I heart the most is Herb Ritts. If you don't recognize the name, you will certainly recognize some of his work. His claim to fame started out with luck. Befriending Richard Gere (before he was famous) in Hollywood, Ritts and Gere decided to take some pictures in front of a beat up Buick in LA. The pictures were so good that Ritts gained some coverage and began focusing more seriously on photography. He became a famous celebrity photographer in the 80's and 90's, photographing the likes of the Dalai Lama, Ronald Reagan, Cindy Crawford and MADGE! He passed in 2002 due to complications from AIDS but his legacy lives on. I've included four of my personal favs from HR's work. Let me know what you think! Hope it inspires you to do something balls to the wall!

JUSTIFY MY LOVE, TONY WARD STYLE

I know we've all seen it and I know that you "mainstream haters" will never forgive me, but Justify My Love is such a sexy video that I just couldn't help myself in posting. Not only that, but it features the ONLY man that I would ever consider sleeping with, Tony Ward. He started off as a model for Calvin Klein, being featured in the sexy underwear campaigns by Herb Ritts. He went on to model for Dolce and Gabbana, Chanel, Fendi and Hugo Boss. In the 90's he started dating Madonna (that would be a chore and a half) and was featured in Madonna's controversial Sex book, which was released in 1992. BTW, if you think you recognize the background vocals, you probably do. The song was produced by Lenny Kravitz and if you listen closely, you can hear his voice in the video. Madonna = 90's = hotness!

Madonna - Justify My Love @ Yahoo! Video

IN LOVE WITH HERCULES: KIM ANN FOXMAN

I met Kim Ann for the first time in '06 at a lesbian basketball function in Brooklyn. She was down to earth and mad cool and at that point, she was just on the verge of breaking out on the international DJ scene and emerging as an up-and-coming jewelry designer. Kim Ann had grown up in a family of jewelers and decided to start her own label, Kim Ann Foxman Jewelry. Recently incepted, KAF jewelry has reached such critical acclaim that her pieces are now shown at Opening Ceremony in both LA and NYC. Her new venture, Hercules and Love Affair, is an affirmation that she has taken flight. Pairing with Antony Hegarty from Antony and the Johnson's, Hercules and Love Affair is quickly becoming a club scene fav. Kim Ann not only mixes the beats for H&LA, but she also provides the female vocals. Follow Kim Ann's new blog for Hercules and Love Affair at www.inlovewithhercules.com.

HOMOEROTICISM AT ITS FINEST

Don't know about you, but I get OBSESSED with things. One of my MANY obsessions is homoerotic art and photography and one of my favorite photographers is Robert Mapplethorpe. I usually really dislike black and white photography because I don't feel that it represents real life but this b&w imaging is dope! Since this is my first blog post, I knew I had to go with what inspires me and what is really meaningful in representing my loves, wants and desires. I think RM's work really gives you a piece of little ole moi!

RM grew up in Queens, attended Pratt (dropped out) and started out using a Polaroid camera (p.s. that is sooooo fucking cool)! He loved photographing Andy Warhol, Patti Smith, Debby Harry and Grace Jones. More importantly, he brought sexually charged pictures of black men to the forefront of what was then considered exploitive art. It goes to show you that bad press can be good press because RM's provocative and shocking images received massive criticism and yet he still became highly successful at a very conservative period in art and fashion. Luckily, I had the chance of seeing his work for the first time at PS1 in the fall of '06. It was everything you want art to be: shocking, provocative, engaging, beautiful and meaningful. I've been OBSESSED ever since.

Unfortunately RM passed away due to complications from AIDS in '89. His work was his lifestyle; his lifestyle was his work. Here are some of RM's amazing pics. ENJOY!